The confession

As i flipped through the photos that are long hidden in my external hard disk, i realized the transformation and growth on both outer and inner. Surprisingly, being a person that have thoughts and long term plans, i never imagine myself to be something like this (someone like now). Pictures of me before 18, during 18, after now, 21, reflected how mature (i mean my brain) i'm now. I no longer fancy on video games, no longer fancy on comic books, no longer fancy on going to theme park, no longer able to stay up so late or wake up so early just to watch cartoon, no longer beg and cry for mercy in order to get my toy.

Perhaps with the wings that attached on my back, allows me to fly, high and away from the typical life that i used to have. Therefore, the luxuries that i used to have, nowadays, for me, no longer excite me. But as you realized that you are flying away too long, being expose to storms and intense sun heat, you tend to look for a hideout, return to place where you used to hate, a typical way of spending a day. You start to hate surprise, like to wander through old memories and photos, prefer peaceful, re-enjoy silly and stupid stuffs that you used to do alone, or with your never-know-how-to-define-embarassing friends.

But, hey, as you keep proceed, it gets harder and further to U-turn and by the time you realized that you are tore out by attempting to get back to the starting point, you know that everyone left the starting point and it is impossible to rewind and pause at that desired moment. So, the first thing i learn after 21, like it or not, things change, keep moving.

I never good in words, despite trying to.
I'm pretty sentimental (occasionally), despite usually i freaked people out when i'm sentimental.

Many times, i hit or miss, celebrate and regret. Yet, as i keep walking, despite moving toward the unknown with fear and anxiety, i thanks every single individual and 'item', good, bad and ugly, that is with me, past, present and future.

Mom, i guess i really grow up, not just biologically ;p

I have this face

I have this face, when chatting, people tend to laugh

I have this face, when chatting, people tend to share

I have this face, when i'm alone, people tend to approach and chat with me

I have this face, when i remain silent, people tend to think i try to act cool

I have this face, when i smile at the wrong time, people tend to think i'm playing trick on them

I have this face, when i try to be serious, people tend to think i'm angry

I have this face, when i'm being honest, people tend to think i'm lying

I have this interesting face.............. so, should i cancel my trip to Korea for plastic surgery next year? ;P

Birthday Wish list to be revealed!!!!!

I hope that someone I know actually bother to think of buying something for me, and currently cracking heads and brains of what to get for me (A indication of me having at least some caring friends). Anyway, in order to save everyone's wallet and brain juice, I will announce that there will be no whatsoever birthday party by me. If you received news or info about me going to celebrate my 21th birthday like Merdaka celebration, at my house or club, sorry to inform you, but you kena conned ;p

Following are my birthday wish list, anyone from the list will do. In order to protect everyone's benefit, i will keep all the items in the list possible to be purchased.

1) Audi R8 ( Ok, ignore it. Even if anyone able to buy that for me, i can't even afford to pay for a full-tanked petrol)
2) 宇珩 latest album, only released at the mid of november (Get this one, cheap, easy, last long)
3) Iphone casing (I should get one as early as possible, but couldn't get a special one)
4) A backpack, a really big one (I think it is pretty much impossible to get one for me in a very special price *i know you guys punya price range* :P)
5) 'Dating a hot chick' for dummies, guide book


I really have everything i need, oh ya, perhaps we can go out for dinner, of course, I shouldn't pay for that meal. Please, typical food ya. I eat food, i don't feel full by looking at the environment ;p

(Hope that my hint is obvious enough for those who don't know what to buy for me. You see, i prefer things that is cheap, easy to choose from and last long) ;p

Energy

To those who think that love is a the main fuel/main source of energy in life, this is something that you should read, reflect, and hopefully help you to recondition what love really means to you.

Assuming that love = biological energy for you. According to Helmholtz, energy has the ability to change forms, and despite changing form, the amount of energy remains the same in other form. For example, the amount of energy/love formed within your relationship with your partner, will transfer into another form, friendship, when the primary energy form changed. How? When you break up, you tend to spend more time with other friends, in order to replace the source of the energy, hence forming the same amount of energy/love in a different form, instead of couple relationship into friendship relationship.

To those who still remember secondary physics class, energy is almost impossible to destroy, it only remain static until it is triggered. For those who think that that's the end of the world when your relationship died, think again. Love/energy never dies. It just remain static, or in another form that you haven't pay attention to trigger it. So, find the right button, press on it to activate it again.

Since love/energy changed form all the time, you should be acknowledge that nothing in this world, including love, will remain at the same form forever. Energy/Love will eventually leak out and get weaken as it remain in the same form. Therefore, we should learn how to preserve energy/love, by allowing it to change form and leave it alone, instead of holding on it, and eventually dies off. Remember, if you believe love as if it is your life energy, you should believe the fact that love/energy never dies off completely, it just change form. In another word, give freedom for your loved one, and when a relationship ends, it doesn't end completely. It just changes form, and what you have to do next is to relocate the next form.

For me, i'm still charging my battery/energy now, but i know when and how to convert and transfer my energy to other sources. So, for others who are like me, you should never give up relocate the new form of your energy, or in my case, to start to shock someone!!!!!!! ;p

Lumix LX5

Finally, a camera!!!!!! Taking photos is never a norm in my family culture but come one, good memories are mean to be keep and save. I'm a photographer now!!!!!!

Wasting time here

People, update blog please. Don't be so lazy, can or not? I'm out of material to read online.

GOOD NEWS

I finally in Grade 2 now. I take almost one year to reach there, but let it be, learning music suppose to be fun and casual. Finally something to cover the pain i feel for getting a summon ;p

Death

I heard too many death news during this holiday, at least 5. To be honest, most of them are not directly related to me, for example, my dad's friend's dad and my aunt's dad, the relationship is too far, that the only time i met them, is through their smiling photo during the funeral. Surprisingly, you will feel depress and sad, at least during that short period of time, mainly due to the environment.

That's a saying, death can be as great as a mountain, or as light as a feather. Everyday someone dies, and eventually everyone will die. So, what's there to be sad of?

It was just moment ago when i went through an article that talked about Karen Woo, a volunteer and a doctor who was killed by the Taliban as she was being accused as American spy. She sacrificed her comfortable life in London, leave her job as a medical assistant as well as her fiance, who both of them will marry in two weeks time, after she was killed, alongside other doctors and local citizens.

Basically, this is just another sad yet frustrating news that happens everyday in life. So, what's there to be sad of?

I read her blog....... She expressed and stated her feelings and thoughts in details, which reflected how tough the life in war zone. (http://explorerkitteninafghanistan.blogspot.com/)

Her blog served as a mirror for reflection, on what I am. Honestly, i will never be working at such environment, despite being well paid (If i will ever being paid). Life is so short, so fragile, so simple, so unpredictable, and yet we have the tendency to make it luxury, complicated, wasteful, depress.

If there is anything that is in your mind that troubles you now, let it be simple. Life is just too short to be complicated.

If there is anything that is in your mind that holds you now, let is go. Life is just too short to be complicated.

Don't bring along all these problems back to the sky, as it will be your burden, making you heavier for your wings to fly back to heaven. Perseverance on such issues are futile, so why bother to let these hold you back. One might left, but others remain here. So, for those who we loved, proceed.

By the time i finished the first page on her blog, i cried......

丢了的自己，要记得捡回来……

有时候，莫名的心情不好，不想和任何人说话，只想一个人静静的发呆
　　
有时候，突然觉得心情烦躁，看什么都觉得不舒服，心里闷的发慌，拼命想寻找一个出口。
　　
有时候，发现身边的人都不了解自己，面对着身边的人，突然觉得说不出话。
　　
有时候，感觉自己与世界格格不入，曾经一直坚持的东西一夜间面目全非。
　　
有时候，突然很想逃离现在的生活，想不顾一切收拾自己简单的行李去流浪。

有时候，别人突然对你说，我觉得你变了，然后自己开始百感交集。
　　
有时候，希望时间为自己停下，做完己还没来得及做的事情。
　　
有时候，想一个人躲起来脆弱，不愿别人看到自己的伤口。
　　
有时候，突然很想哭，却难过的哭不出来。
　　
有时候，夜深人静，突然觉得不是睡不着，而是固执地不想睡。
　　
有时候，走过熟悉的街角，看到熟悉的背影，突然就想起一个人的脸。
　　
有时候，明明自己心里有很多话要说，却不知道怎样表达。
　　
有时候，觉得自己拥有着整个世界，一瞬间却又觉得自己其实一无所有。
　　
真的只是有时候，明明自己身边很多朋友，却依然觉得孤单。
　　
有时候，很想放纵自己，希望自己痛痛快快歇斯底里地发一次疯。
　　
有时候，突然找不到自己，把自己丢的 无影无踪。
　　
有时候，心里突然冒出一种厌倦的情绪，觉得自己很累很累。
　　
有时候，看不到自己未来的样子，迷茫的不知所措。
　　
有时候，发现自己一夜之间长大了。
　　
有时候，听到一首歌，就会突然想起一个人。
　　
有时候，希望能找个人好好疼爱自己，渴望一种安全感。 可当那个可以疼你的人出现的时候，你却偏执地退隐。
　　
有时候，别人误解了自己有口无心的一句话，心里郁闷的发慌。
　　
有时候，被别人伤害，嘴上讲没事，其实心里难过的要死。
　　
有时候，常常在回忆里挣扎，有很多过去无法释怀。
　　
有时候，很容易感动别人的关怀， 有时候却麻木地像个笨蛋。
　　
有时候，看着时间一点点流逝，任凭叹息，自己却无能为力。
　　
其实，有时候，真的会想这么多。　　
跟朋友装沉默，跟陌生人讲心里话。对于在乎你的，不想让他们担心，有时候，没有消息就是一种好消息。其实，很想说“我很好”，或许是昧着心说谎，也只是想把最灿烂的一面，放在每个人对自己印象的首页。
　　

Life is so unfair

When you said, "Life is so unfair", what do you mean? You deserved better than what you got? But, can you recall the amount of times that you basically don't deserve what you obtain, and yet you got it miraculously?

Personal experience, I escaped too many presentations and exams with moderate and acceptable marks, which sometime make me feel bad. (See, human tend to be greedy). However, if there is such a balance scale to measure the effort and reward, to be honest, i don't deserved to get such 'high' marks. Well, just recall how many times you complete last minute assignments and last minute cramming, you will realized that in such situation, it is ok to have 'unfairness'

Another example, i believed that many of us will definitely ignore certain impossible-to-follow speed traps. (Speed traps and traffic lights are the only rules that i break all the time. Basically i think speed traps is a tool for policeman to get extra cash from inexperience or unlucky drivers). If everything is fair and square, i guess i will be working from now on just to pay all the summons.

Complaining about how unfair life is. Think again. The same 'unfairness' makes you get more than you deserve, sometime. ;p

Please count the amount of time i accidently step on land mines

"Why do you think guys prefer to spend time on video games and car, instead on me?"

"Well, there are many reasons. Some of them might got be what you wanna know. I guess maybe it is just your boyfriend's innate preference to games and cars. Hey, i'm not like that..."

"Ya right, then why are you staring that the PS3 and discussing about the latest Audi R8 just now? Don't tell me it is just to inform me that you have deep general knowledge on everything"

"........ *smile*. Don't stare at me like that"

"Tell me then....... FASTER!!!!!!"

"Nah, you asked for it one aa...... Cos a video game and car won't get angry so fast"

*Silence*

"You asked for it one. That's why i don't wanna answer your question. Don't get angry la. Kidding only :D"

"And then........?? You said got many reasons, don't tell me this is the only one"

*Shallowing saliva*. "Fine, cos video games and cars are easy to control and predict. If you spend enough time with it, you will get the result you want. Not like dating, the amount of time and effort spent is not equivalent with the result and the 'sweetness' recieved. Sometime they just wanna a break, as long as he loves you, other is just extra" *wink*

"And then?"

"That's all. No more. You think i'm a love guru ah? ME= single for the last 21 years. If i'm so good with these stuffs, i won't be here 'dating' with you :D"

"Fine then, DATE with other!!!!"

Under one roof

Things will turn bad and ugly as you get more familiar. To be honest, i think i have build a solid mental barrier and automatic elimination system thanks to what happen at the place where i'm staying. Seriously, i wanna move but with my fellow sufferer (my sis) is coming to join this ugly jail, it is kinda impossible to move. Guess i still have years, or best case scenario, months to suffer.

Well, when everyone is telling me how blissful and grateful that i should be as i'm staying with my uncle, i smiled. No comments, either good or bad. I do not wanna spoil the conversation by complaining on things that they should even bother to know. In certain situation, i have to admit that i'm a serious @$$hole that contribute nothing at home beside spreading the blur-ness and laziness virus to the rest of the family members. I have a nice excuse for myself of not being so deep into the family structure - i want to be independent.

I believe that each of us, though staying in a same house, is different individual that deserve privacy. Therefore, i react at such a way that i can successful withdraw whenever i want. Now, i'm being labelled as 'king of the house'

I believe that i'm mature enough to make certain decisions, especially when i'm the one that suppose to make decision. Therefore when i do without reference and agreement from everyone, now, i'm being labelled as 'the flying pigeon'

I believe that everyone deserve respect and therefore i speak a casual yet polite jokes- a.k.a the Edwardism Language. I spent at least 15 years talking in such manner and yet they still unable to retrieve relevant information from my lame statements. Therefore, i'm being labelled as ' the bullshit machine'

I always think that i can survive under such tough-for-mental- health situation (of course after complaining to my mom, my one and only audience). Now, it is a different stories. Getting more and more familiar with someone require you to see through their scars and dirty laundry, some which prove to be too hard to be covered with their strength. Guess now they see me as ugly as i see them.

Kids nowadays

Almost everyday, at least 3 times a week, i was forced to 'accompany' my little wonderful baby Henry to the pool. It is a horrible experience, as that 'dude' literally dragged me into the room, forced me to dig out his hidden swimming trunk, scream loudly so everyone know that i'm go (so i can't run or hide, smart brat) and pull me all the way to the poolside.

Today is just another typical day, 'floating and sitting' inside the pool. The height of the pool (0.6m) is merely enough for me to hide every single part of my body beside head and shoulder (no free adv here) from these skin-piercing cold wind. Did i forget to mention on how cold the water is? So, whether you sit, swim or stand, it is just cold.

Everyone beside me is happy, swimming and splashing the damn cold water around, while as usual i'm hiding some around the corner, peeking. (On both the baby and the babes).

'Koko' (brother in cantanose)

'Whatever, you won't die in such height. Go make yourself happy and remember to tell me if you are cold or wanna pee'

He then approached this bunch of so-called cute foreign children, most of them around 5 (One Happy Family, btw, there is a damn cute with gorgeous eyes White and i almost bite my own tongue pronouncing her name)

'I will shoot you, monster!!!!!' . Two random boys, one malay and one indian aimed their water cannon, i repeat, cannon not gun, precisely on my head.

'Dei, i don't wanna get wet. Just stay away from me and play with someone around your age'

For those who studied Child Psychology, kids don't really understand your feeling, i mean for those who are younger. So, i guess you know what happen to me. ;p

I stood up, exposing myself to these cold wind, kicking and whacking the water, like a King-Kong, trying to scare them away and making myself wet. (Separuh basah lagi teruk, btw, i wear boxer to pool today, so it is like ....... Dam...... cooling.

'Run, uncle wanna catch us!!!!!!'

'Kick the uncle's butt!!!!!'

........
.......
......
.....
....
...
..
.

Uncle?!

For the next 20 minutes, i just hope that baby Henry will drown and then form a phobia, phobia of swimming in a pool.

Love is blind

Love need no reason. That's why people said love is blind. If you have to measure and think of pros and cons of something you like and hesitate, even for one short moment, well....... you have the answer ;p

Theories for my tummy

It become a fact in Wikipedia that i consumed large amount of food everyday. But, this 'trend' is getting worse now. See, when you are paying for your own food all the time and you are living in the area whereby the price of the F & B can poke a big hole at your wallet, i think i should be making some serious consideration on whether what happen to my 'bottemless' tummy? 10 things that might happen to me now, i mean my tummy. (I had my dinner around 8, snack at 9 and 'tong sui' as i'm blogging ;p)

1) Reaching adolescence stage again. That's why i need extra energy, and therefore extra food.
2) There is a big hole in my stomach. Foods are leaking from that hole, and it is assumed that i don't eat. Yet, i should poo poo alot, which surprisingly i am not.
3)Hyperactive gastric juice in my gastric which increase the digestion, making me feel hungry very very fast.
4)Pregnant. According to my textbook, pregnancy might make someone hungry. But i'm a guy, more important, i'm a virgin.
5)Slow reaction from hormones. They are unable to detect glucose, sending the impulses to brain that 'this dude' suppose to be hungry.
6)Temptation of food is beyond my control.
7)I have 4 tummies, like a cow and rabbit. More space to fill to feel full.
8)I'm just born abnormal, should consult a pro to scan through my tummy.
9)Addiction to food. Like smoking and drug, at least something should be inside my mouth anytime anyway.
10)High metabolism level. I believe 90% of my energy is used on crapping and hunting for hot chicks, creating serious loss of glucose to other organs. Therefore, more food to get more energy.

.......... SHOUT LOUD!!!!!!

FUCKER, NEXT TIME FOLLOW THE RULES AND REGULATION. I DON'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE GOING TO PASS THIS SUBJECT, BUT THANKS TO YOU, I NEED TO SCORE EXTREMELY HIGH FOR MY FINAL. BITCHES, IF I FAILED, I SWEAR I WILL MAKE YOU DIE ALONGSIDE WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I always have problem trusting people, now it is getting worse)

Nobody understand you

I heard and saw millions of people stating that 'Nobody understand me'. Funny, these are the people that are hunger for a pair of ears, so that they can vomit out everything out. Yet, these are also the same bunch of people that keep ignoring and denying the fact that they have unsolved problems, when someone offers and wish to unlock the wired issues. But, these are the same people that assuming and hoping someone will understand them without any sort of verbal communication.

Ironic ya? ;P

On one side, you don't wanna chat or disclose, but on another side, you wish that someone will listen to you, lend you their ears and shoulders. Basically, nobody- including yourself- understand you. People can't read your mind, obviously, especially when you can't read your own mind. True friends are someone you can share everything, good bad and ugly, with but that only if you wanna share. If you don't bother to share and voice it out, no point having bunch of true friends around you. Same, still nobody understand you

2012 in progress

Today, i witnessed something that doesn't sound logical. Come one, heavy thunder when the sky is still bright, storm with tiny ice cubes, that knocked my lovely car and trees and plants lying around the streets and on vehicles. Just imagine yourself in 2012 movie scene, and trust me, part of it is fun and exciting, another part, well, nothing is impossible.

Well, if tropical countries like Malaysia can have hail storm, i bet we can started to expect more and more disasters coming to hit us. Earth, the only habitat, is turning into living hell, thanks to us, so-called the smartest living being, so-called the ruler of this planet.

I have no idea whether 2012 will be our doomsday, yet i have no difficulties to imagine what happen 2 years from now. I will be another typical supporting actor like in the '2012' movie, running and screaming around before killed by a 'flying' trunk, and i'm absolutely fine with it. I don't expect myself to be living past 70 years old.

Guess, i should take life more serious now. Cincai kira, assuming 2012 is true, I (we) will have another 2 years time before everything reformat. Time to do something that is significant to community, those who i know and definitely to myself. At least, i don't waste my remaining time and only crying, regretting and yet, stay static, planning everything but do nothing.

Gigolo-going-to- be

Thanks to the event, i'm chatting with everyone in my FB friends list as if i know them for ages. Dammit, i feel like i'm a gigolo, spending time and effort to start a conversation with my customers for money/intention. And the funniest part, i thought she was A, realizing that she is B after 1 hour of ice-breaking (trying to be as if we are very close) sessions. Shit!!!!!

Second type, basically ignore me, or linking my conversation to all the previous memories, i mean bad one. All of a sudden, i become a jerk to them. I feel like i'm an insurance agent, trying to hard sell and promote my ideas and products (which is partly true). Gosh, it is so embarrassing, especially when she said 'Dear' and 'Let's go out for dinner one day'. Holy cow, i'm a gigolo now!!!!!!

(p/s - i never realized that i have the ability to chat with strangers on random stuff. Guess that is the lesson one in 'How to tackle a girl, For dummies, nerds and introverts'. Should apply this technique in clubs and pubs, not to beg people to join my event ;p)

射手座の男生 (Stereotype on Sagittarius)

p/s (The title is The Sagittarius Guys, i always think that most zodiac review have labeled sag. guys as playboy, which obviously those who i know including me, are not. However, i have to say that i agreed with most of the part in this articles, beside the playboy part ;p)

射手座的男人兴趣很多，涉猎很广泛，但恐怕每一样都不会研究得很彻底。正因为他的兴趣广泛，跟很多人都可能有交集，因此他会有许多不同类型的朋友。有的朋友陪他聊政治，有的陪他打球，有的跟他一块作生意。他很忙，很少有射手座的男人会给人一种闲着没事做的感觉。尤其当他突然对什么新鲜事物发生兴趣的时侯，可能全心投入好一阵子，其它的事情（包括你）全被暂时抛在脑后去了。

　　当你刚开始跟一位射手座男人交往时，会有一段蜜月期——你是最让他感兴趣的人。之后，你是否能让他保持热度，就得看你的本事了，因为让一个射手座的男人把心思长期专注于谈情说爱上，的确是很困难的事。

　　他是个绝对的乐观主义，心中有无数远大的理想，却经常容易忽略眼前的问题，因此常在加速向前冲的时侯，一不小心就栽到水沟里去了，在他身边的女人偶尔提醒一下他的粗心是很好的，但如果在他对你高谈阔论他远大计划时，泼他一盆冷水，那就真是让他讨厌极了。其实，你真的不必太过担之他的“安危”，因为乐观的射手座男子，并不容易被一些小挫败击倒，反而事实的教训会帮助他成长，让他下一次小心点。

　　很多射手座的男人都有点“不信邪”，当你严厉的告诉他什么事不可行的时侯，他却偏要试一下才甘心。我不知道你碰到这种情况了没有？如果有，请千万不要落井下石，在旁边说风凉话，你当心他会恼羞成怒哦！最好换一种方式，你可以说：“你做的比我原先预计的好多了，你真有一套！下一次只要把…改一下，保证万无一失。”

　　他肯定会觉得你太够意思，太了解他了。射手座的男人很少真的觉得沮丧。万一不幸发生这种情况，当然就是你表现的时侯啰！

　　很多人说射手座的男人花心，其实我倒觉得应该说他是很喜欢跟很多女人真心交往，花言巧语的欺骗不是他的方法。(Ya, true, if i'm a playboy, i won't be single for 20 years) 前面我就说过，他是很容易与人发生交集的，对女生当然也是一样，一旦他感觉跟某个女生有些投契的地方，他就会很愉快，很真诚的付出他的友谊和感情。其实射手座的男人愈成熟，就愈希望找到一个真正与他心灵相投的伴侣，只可惜他们多半都不是细细观察，慢慢投入的类型，因此总是很容易开始，很容易失望，于是很容易结束，射手座的男人很少会存心始乱终弃的。(overgeneralized)

　　就像是一壸茶倒满了很多杯子，你能说哪一杯不是茶吗？对每一个人他都很真诚，如想要真正拥有他，只有把自己变成个超级大杯子，让他把所有的茶全倒进来啰！

　　首先，你要兴致勃勃的听他说远大的计划，偶尔提醒他一些细节，让他惊讶你的智能。

　　第二，你要会陪他玩，多数射手座男子对户外运动都很有兴趣，当他带你去参加社交场合时，千万别摆张老k脸。

　　第三，射手座男人很爱跟朋友辩论，你要很感兴趣的听，然后在适当时机帮个腔，使他理论立于不败之地。更重要的是，千万不要限制他的自由。对于多数射手座的男人来说，自由是他们的宝贝，“不自由毋宁死”，他爱你是真的，愿意和你厮守终生也是真的，但是他不会因此放弃他追求自由的权利。射手座的男人，绝不是可以被拴在腰带上的丈夫，这一点你一定不要忘记。

　　射手座的男往往不会详细的向你报告行踪，尤其是事前，他更不会一副征求你批准的态度。如果你东问西问，他很有翻脸的可能。

　　你愈给他自由，他愈坦白。(It happens to everyone)

　　有时侯射手座男人的直率也会让人有点受不了，他的直肠子有时会伤你的心，有时会让你下不了台。如果想要愉快的相处，你必须学习适应，而且欣赏他不会拐弯的坦率性格。(true, ..... and sorry)

　　当然你也有自由发展你的世界。他通常忙碌的没时间去限制你。想要欺瞒一个射手座的男人，是件很容易的事，但是如果让他发现，将会造成无法弥补的裂痕， “真诚”是他最重视的相处之道。他会尊重你的自由一如尊重他己的一样，你会有很大的空间发挥自己的事业和兴趣。但是我仍然建议你多方面尽量配合他，否则他什么时侯掉进了别人的情网你都不知道！

Behind the scene

I just don't understand why everyone is working so hard, always trying to be the best and sacrifice everything in life to reach the top of the mountain. Is that so pathetic to be second or the unknown one? Once, my friend told me ' If everyone is going to be the next leader, then who is the follower? ' . My own version, 'If everyone is going to be rich, then everything will be freaking expensive'.

I received a offer to lead a team in a newly developed company from Singapore. It may sounds interesting, a once in a life time offer, but for me, i can imagine the scenes of me doing unlimited works, 'shot' by various bosses for various reasons, leading a team that i barely know, unable to balance between study and working, and worst, lost my precious and also one in a life time college sweet memories. Come on, college student is about doing ass last minute, hunting girls, eating all the time and cam-whoring.

I'm always a good tactician, never a good general or emperor. Ya, it is true that no one really knows those who worked behind the scene, but thanks to them, the performers can perform without burden and worry. Besides, i only know that generals and emperors were hunted during invasion, but not tactician. And guess what, even these so-called generals and emperors begged for tactician's advices and assists. Between life and honor, i choose life.

See, if everyone have this perception, able to be the second, or those who are hidden, there will be less competitions, less arguments, less frictions, less wars, less complains, less problems and definitely less pressure. Why not? ;p

Self-esteem calculation table

Self esteem depends on your own self concept. In another word, what you care and what you matter most, when you are good at it, you feel good (boost self-esteem/confidence). Vice versa, if you are bad in things that you think it is important, you think you sucks (low self esteem/confidence). Easy ;p

Some living and pass example (P/S - Self esteem = SE, tired of repeating the same words again and again)

Bill Gates

Dropout from Harvard	Unimportant	SE remains the same
Sense of Achievement for conning Asian to get addicted to Window	DAMN Important	SE shoots high!!!!!!
Million- worth of donation	Too many to spend, not bother	SE remains high
Look like nerd	Who bothers when you have $$$	SE remains high

Conclusion = SE high

Albert Einstein

Hair-style	Pioneer to Korean idols (Referring to Boys Over Flower main actors). Yet, not important	SE= Don’t know. Well, I don’t think he even bother styling your hair since you will end up messing your hair when you do math.
Nobel Prize Winner	Duh, this is a dreamland for any scientists. Important!!!	SE= High, very very high
E= MC2	I spent 3 months on this during Form 5 physics class. It is must be hard for him to develop this. Important!!!	SE= High + High = So high (It is not what you think it is)
Money	Nah, he has all the fame and books he ever dreamt of.	Not important. SE remains so high.

Conclusion = SE high

Tiger Woods

Currently World No. 1 golfer	Important, but nothing compared to his wife. Not important now.	SE= fairly low
Affairs!!!!!	I would be happy if I’m him. But, to him, it is no longer something to be proud of now. Not important	SE= very low (a.k.a Low V, I’m trying to be lame)
Career Break	That’s the K.O punch, to complete the final part of the misery. Very important	SE= L.O.W (He is bad in things that he matters most)
Money	I guess money is the fuel for all these affairs. So, important to both me and Woods. (Once your wife returns, you will resume your routine, then you’ll need back all your money)	SE= Low, but below fairly low, above Low V

Conclusion = SE low

Edward Chan Waihong

Any random achievements and awards	You mean kindergarten’s top student award? That’s important	SE= High (I can only obtain my sense of pride via expired awards)
Shopping	Look at all the ‘prizes’ in my wardrobe and I bet that can make thousands of girls scream!!!	SE = Very high
College Performance	No comment	SE= High (Dropped a bit)
Money	……… Cukup cukup pakai	SE = Neutral (Dropped again)

Conclusion = SE neutral

See the table above, it is really depends on your personal opinion whether or not you think you are good. Don’t just look at things that you are sucks in. Explore fields that you are unique and good with. Now, stand up (beware, don’t hit on your com) and be proud of yourself. ;p

The art of procrastination

I finally got my 2010 planner. I spent almost 2 months hunting for a right one. The reason i finally make my mind to buy this planner is because it is specially design for procrastinator, i mean myself ;p

Some of the nice quotations in my planner which i think it is very true, making me feel proud to be a procrastinator.

1)Most people procrastinate; others are just lying.

2)Procrastination is not genetic; you need to practice to become good at it.

3)If life is short, a long task list seems quite silly.

4)WARNING: Finishing every item on your-to-do list can cause boredom, disorientation and emptiness.

5)Work is like exercise, it is best to start slow.

6)Work is inevitable, why rush to get to it?

7)Never refer to yourself as a procrastinator; You are only a thoughtful plotter.

8)Experts say procrastination can lead to stress, depression and misery. Work causes the same things but quicker.

9)Articles condemning procrastination are written by overworked people who are jealous of procrastinators.

10)Procrastination is the art of relaxing in the face of adversity.

Nothing is Impossible

'I'm so afraid of my daughter. When I knew that she is dating with a guy that is 6 years older than her, i called her straight away. She told me that her boyfriend is currently working, someone that she can communicate and depends on. Well, i used to tell her that study first, dating last. But it seem like when the feeling is there, nothing you can do to stop it. How about you, Waihong? Still single?'

Chatting with my mom's friend is like announcing a formal news in press conference. ' Well, can't get the right one'. My mom smiled.

'Don't be so picky, handsome. But it is better not to date when you are studying. My god, i just hope that she don't get pregnant so soon. You know, teens nowadays.'

'It depends. You can stand tough on your own choice. If you don't want, nothing can make you change your mind but yourself.' I said.

'As if you won't. That's because you haven't get one girl that you love and she is sitting on a bed' She is sure an open-minded mom. I never think of it (though it is not a convincing fact.). I always think that i can withstand such seduction until she asked me that question. Now, nothing is impossible.

'Time to go, boy' My mom smiled and waited me at the car. ;p

LCLY?? NOPE!!!!

When i think of posting a message in FB, asking everyone to come to my house on the first day of CNY, all of the sudden, i realized that i might have half of the visitors that i barely know, coming to my house for angpau's'. I'm not trying to save my mom's money but i take this as gathering, not invasion.

Imagine 40 people come to your house on that day and 20 of them are your 'hi hi by bye' friends (shouldn't hi and bye randomly to people that smiled at me in school corridors) which you barely remember their name. To be honest, i will rather set a gathering in random mamak stall and then well, you are free to invade and destroy the whole stall.(It is included in the bill)

Perhaps, i will just pass the message via SMS, email or blog

Btw, do i sounds LCLY??? I just don't wanna spend my first day of CNY cleaning the mess. Selfish is the best appliable trait, especially when you are busy. Sorry...

(P/s : To those who read my blog, you are the special one. So, dont worry, Loki, you are definitely in my visitor list. IT IS DAMN STRONGLY RECOMMANDED TO BRING ALONG YOUR GIRLFRIEND ;p)

Long long journey starts from after the first step

I think i finally able to play a simple song with my always-out-of-tune guitar. Nothing much to proud of especially when most of the expert and avid players will say 'Playing 4 chords, and most of the chords are sound the same. There is still long way to go".

I know that fact, and it is true. Nothing much to be ashamed by the fact i'm still a noob, actually i'm happy that at least someone realized that i'm hitting on 4 chords, though they sound the same.

The pressures and stresses that we face everyday, mostly are due to the acknowledge that we are being judged and observed. In certain cases, we are just being too sensitive, moreover, whatever actions and things that you do, there will definitely someone that votes for the opposition side. Like what we learn in psychic, there is always an opposite force behind any moving object. That's how things are on balance.

It will take another 2 months for me to master the new song and i'm delighted with my current pace. AT LEAST, i haven't have the intention to give up. Gambatte, Edward ;p (Desperate for mental support)

What a shame!!! I can't even be honest in my own personal virtual space. Guess i need another channel to voice out. So sad

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

New year resolution?

Just stick and work on things that unable to complete in 2009.

Having too many items in my list-to-do is slowing me now :D