To Edward

Dear Edward,

Congratulation for surviving another extra year. Well, i have to say you have a adventurous year, as usual, so you should really thanks God for all the limbs and muscles that are still attached at where they supposed to be.

And congratulation for growing up and turning more mature. No more playing tantrum, playing pranks, acting childish or blindly. Most importantly, you know how to listen to painful yet honest advices. You learn how to suppress your ego, control your desire, cry when you feel hurt, smile when necessary and most importantly, laugh loud proudly.

And congratulation for learning how to love those who deserved your love. You learn how to devote and stay strong, despite obstacles and loneliness. And after so many years, you finally obtained the emotion of feeling love and heartbreak. And yes, finally when someone is sharing their love story, i can show my empathy.

And congratulation for staying and standing strong when you faced thorns and stones in life. You learn to trust your friends. You learn to dependent and look for shoulders when you are tired. You learn to accept other's assistance without doubt. You learn to climb over your own defensive wall. And most importantly, you finally mastered the art of letting go and picking up less burden.

And congratulation for learning how to appreciate mistakes, imperfection, regrets and simplicity. You celebrate for every single achievements. You sing and dance along when you heard tunes that you are familiar with. You sit down, feeling relax while looking at flowers. You learn how to deep breath when you feel stress. And most importantly, you learn to do things slower and spend more time with your beloved.

Other might not realized the change that you have going through but trust me, no one knows the fear and anxiety that you been through better than me. And for you to accomplish what you been avoiding is already an accomplishment. Congratulation for every single mission that you have accomplish. Toasts for a changed Edward, for a better Edward. Happy birthday ;p

51 Facts about Guys

Ok, i have to say that i have tons of ideas and inspirations that i should project all of these to my blog. I have to say i neglected my blog for quite some time. I do read more, write more, understand more, feel more recently. Many thanks to the time spent in front of laptop, reading anything but academical-related writings. And i have to say that reading others' reading do downgrade my confidence in writing. Perhaps copying and pasting others' writing will be better. Promise, i will soon reopen my blog. Meanwhile, this post will be my last piece of plagiarism.

I saw this and i found these 'facts' (i think it is facts, cos i got most of the facts listed down here, well, i will never argue with those who have doubt with the list). Impressively true. Many of the facts that are so true and yet so hard to express to people around. So, ladies and gentlemen, read it!!!

Finally, words of wisdom that perfectly clarify my actions and thoughts. Should really cite whoever that wrote this. You earned my respect ;p

51 FACTS ABOUT GUYS :)

1. Guys hate sluts.

2. "Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

3. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

5. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.

7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-
how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.

8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.

10. Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.

11. Guys get jealous easily.

12. Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think.

13. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.

16. Girls are guys' weaknesses.

17. Guys are very open about themselves.

18. It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long.

19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.

23. Guys will brag about anything.

24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you.

25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.

27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.

28. Try to be as straightforward as possible.

29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be mature and grown up.

30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.

31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.

32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.

34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."

37. Guys don't really have final decisions.

38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.

40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

41. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

42. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

44. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.

46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.

47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.

48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

49. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

50. No guy can handle all his problems by his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it

51. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of us.

Last quater of 2011

Things to do (attempt to do) in this last 4 months before 2012.

1)Finish thesis (without this, i wouldn't be alive to see the 2012 sunrise)

2)Heading to Terengganu (Conquer this area and my Swift route map is complete)

3)Master and perform for my friend's birthday party (Luckily i have a decent vocal to cover the flaws)

4)Six- abs (I been telling everyone that i actually have it but it is time to face the truth)

5)Wear 100 clothes in 100 days without washing and repeating anyone (I never realize i'm a shopaholic)

6)Paint my new room's blackboard wall (Should get the key really soon *cross fingers*)

7)Run in a marathon (Currently looking for one to join)

8)Learn how to cam-whore (To be honest, i think i'm better nowadays, thanks to my sis)

9)Tie my hair (Please stop me from cutting/trimming my hair)

10)Wake up early, without ignoring the alarm (Yeah, this is hard. Hardest)

I read this from another blog. Pretty true. I agree :D

有的人认为我这么说是一种懦弱，其实不然，因为是人都需要一个依靠，因为人生在世有很多的事情会使人感到心痛，也会心力交瘁，会很累，都需要一个可以靠一靠的地方，休息一下。依靠不是女人的专利，男人也需要，有的时候会比女人更需要。

　　我们常听女人们说，想找一个坚实的臂膀靠一靠，得到一个安慰和坚实。其实男人也是需要的，他不是在找一个比自己更加坚实的臂膀，而是找到一个可以让自己安稳的休息的柔软，不是坚实而是温存的栖息。

　　男人的依靠是有别于女人的依靠，他的依靠来自于一个轻轻的问候，来自于一个简单的亲昵，也可能来自于女人的一个娇滴滴的撒娇，也会从女人的关心的埋怨中得到一个安慰。

　　有的时候男人需要女人的唠叨，也需要女人的埋怨，更需要女人的没完没了地说着她们这一天的经历。你也许会看到一个大男人躺在自己女人的怀抱里，听者女人的诉说，就像是一个小孩子听着母亲的故事一样那么的认真，而且还有着那么多的瞌睡。他们听女人说话，不是想知道什么，只是想听音乐一样，享受着一种来自自己爱的人的心底的抒发。

　　男人需要理解，更需要一点关心，哪怕是一个微不足道的问及也是一种美好。

　　有人说讨厌自己女人的唠叨，这是不假，因为这个女人唠叨的是使男人厌烦的话题，那是真得会使男人觉得那不是在听自己女人的诉说，而是在听一种噪音。

　　男人还怕寂寞。比女人还要害怕。他们害怕自己的女人不再说话，也不再说心里的话。他们惧怕自己女人的远去，即使很短时间的离开也会惴惴不安。

　　男人的依靠还来自于对感情的执着和忠诚，他们觉得情感的执着和忠诚比任何事情都重要，因为他们最怕的就是后院起火，因为那会使他们从此失去一种信念，那就是失去生命的意义。生命的意义就是来自于人性的忠实。一旦男人觉得人性的缺失了，那么他们就会觉得这个世界就此不再有任何可以信任的东西，那么就会变为一个行尸走肉，从此不会有任何的快乐可言。

　　男人的依靠还来自于尊重，他们认为彼此的情感上的尊重仅次于对感情的忠实和执着。他们认为一切感情都来自于执着的忠诚和彼此的尊重。这种尊重来自于细微的言表，不见的是一种隆重的仪式。也许就是一个生日的简单礼物，也许就是一个简单的举止，都是对自己的尊重。有的时候他们不需要那么具体的东西，只需要一个发自内心的关怀。这一点男人既虚荣也很实际。

　　男人在最忧伤和失落的时候，也会像女人一样，哭出来，那只是一种宣泄，这个时候只需要女人的一个动作——摸摸头，说几句安慰的话，不要走开，和他一起享受静寂，这就足够了。

　　男人其实有的时候也很麻烦，只是不像女人那么实在，都是偷偷做出来的，他们嘴上都不会说的。

　　男人也很脆弱，因为他们承受的要比女人要承受的多，即使是一个比男人强势的女人也不会有多于男人的承受，因为男人是上帝塑造的一个需要承受的载体，你逃不掉！

Sunset

A boy running fast toward the peak of the hill with a big bag that big enough to cover his skinny body and heavy enough to fall on him. He is very tired and lost, hesitating on whether to quit or not. However, he keeps running and the tears and sweats are the best evidence to prove his hard work.

An old man is walking down from the peak. He saw this boy, using all the energy and strength he has to move on. He is moving slower as time goes by. He is just too tired.

'Boy, you shouldn't carry an overload bag. It is impossible to reach the peak of the hill. There is still quite a distance to reach to the peak. You might break your bones,

'Thanks, but it is ok. My friends need all the foods in my bag. It is heavy and i might be slower, but i will still able to reach the peak if i keep moving.'

'You might miss the sunset, looking at your current pace. Trust me, drop down some of your luggages and you can keep some of these at the rest hut. I believe that your friends prefer to have you with them without the food, instead of having all the foods but miss the sunset'

'Rest hut? I don't see any hut around. It is ok, i think my friends will be mad if i cannot reach the peak on time with all the foods'

'Do they bring their own food?'

'Ya'

'Do they bring enough food?'

'Ya'

'Can't you share your food with them?'

'Ya'

'Then why do you work so hard to bring the foods to the peak as if they will die without the foods?'

'Cos i don't wanna be the only one without food'

'So, you bring more foods than all of your friends?'

'Ya, but i will share. I just wanna make sure that i have more than enough'

'Then i bet that you definitely miss the rest hut as you are trying so hard to walk to the peak'

'Hut?'

'And i bet that you definitely miss the all the scenery too.'

'It is ok, i can still make it to view the sunset.'

'Hahahaha, and i dare to bet my life that you will definitely miss the sunset too. Look at the sky now.'

'Crap'

Sounds familiar?

We worked so hard to fill others' expectation.

We worked so hard to reach the others' destination.

We worked so hard to prove to others that we are equal, yet unique.

And most of the time, we worked so hard, only to realize that we miss more than what we gain at the final destination.

We will have to carry a lot of luggages as we travel in life. Are all necessary?

And how much weight you can carry?

Climbing so hard to reach the destination that is unknown and miss out all the definite sceneries in life. Is it worthy? ;p

Cold Reading Test

Saw this as i went for a cognitive topic for my experiment. According to them, cold reading can be analyzed via science. I participated and to be honest, some of the facts seem to match and fit my personality well. So, should i do this for my experiment? ;p

(Source : http://psychologistworld.com/cognitive/psychology_reading_test.php)

Cold Reading Test

Most treasured possession: Myself

Favourite number: 9

Most influential role model: No one

The impression of you that I get is that you are a sensitive person but are often wary of expressing your true thoughts and emotions. I feel that you have been hurt in the past and this may be the reason for your caution – however, once you allow people to become a part of your life, i.e. by confiding in them or accepting their help or advice, you find it easier to develop a sense of trust and affinity.

There is something from your childhood which you are especially sensitive about – I’m not sure exactly what this is but I do know that it would take a very special person for you to confide this secret to. If this issue hasn’t yet been resolved then you may feel a little ashamed of whatever this was but one message that comes through to me is that it was not your fault.

You have always tried your best in most of the things that you’ve done. You realize that you could have done better at times with certain projects but your interest simply wasn’t there. You find it easy to concentrate on things that really interest you, but if someone tries to make you study a subject or project that you don’t want to learn about then you tend to ‘phase out’.

There was an artistic or musical interest that you had when you were younger that you could have developed but didn’t. It may be that there were too many other things going on in your life at the time – or that it simply wasn’t the right time for you – I feel that you will probably go back to that interest at some time in the future and excel at it.

You lost someone very special in your past and this left you with a sense of loneliness or abandonment. You still miss this person but I figure you are now coming to terms with that loss. In a way it made you appreciate loved ones more; however you don’t always show your true feelings.

You find the opposite sex intriguing. Sometimes you hate them, sometimes you love them. Your emotions seem to swing from high to low and back again.

You would like to be the centre of attention at times – however most of the time you are happy to watch and observe. You don’t like making a fool of yourself and you certainly wouldn’t enjoy seeing your best friend or someone you really care about making a fool of themselves.

You have an overwhelming protective instinct. If someone you love annoys you then you will tell them so. If an outsider insults them then you instinctively jump to their defensive. It’s as though ‘It’s alright for you to say that, but not for them to’.

You have certain colours that you like and will wear them depending on your mood. You are also sensitive to smell – you have favourite aromas – and some memories that are associated to them – e.g. bonfire night or your mother’s favourite perfume or shampoo – or perhaps a favourite dish – roast beef – curry – chicken or steak or perhaps even a tomato based recipe.

You are idealistic about the person you would like to eventually settle down with (if indeed you have not already met that person). You really want your relationship to work out and will do your utmost to make things work. However if your partnership is wrong then you have no hesitation in not making this effort.

You want to be happy in life. You hate hurting people and if this inadvertently does happen then you feel that hurt yourself. You are happy with your morals but would love to improve yourself in some way.

At the moment you are in some sort of quandary about the direction your life is taking you and there are decisions to be made. Making decisions is not always easy for you – you like to weigh up the options in your mind and find yourself swayed by outside distractions. In this area you should always trust your instinct.

Life is not always easy for you – often you meet obstacles just as you think you are reaching your goal. These setbacks can make you feel unsettled or even depressed at times but you have a knack of being able to bounce back.

When you look back on your life at some of the difficult times you realize that they seemed a lot worse at the time than they actually were. You are a survivor and are guided by hope and optimism.

Money can be an issue for you and you should learn to manage it more effectively. Although you have to rely on outside sources at times you would prefer to be totally independent in this area.

You dislike chaos and would be happier in a well organized environment but it seems that there is never enough time to carry out your well meaning intentions.

Some time ago there was a disastrous relationship that knocked your confidence somewhat. Although you are over that now, there are still times when you feel vulnerable and insecure. You want to be loved for who you are, not how others want you to be and you generally try to please most of the time – however under extreme provocation you find it impossible to bottle up your feelings and minor explosions can occur.

In order to overcome this tendency you should learn to communicate more freely in the early stages of an impending crisis.

You enjoy travelling but something seems to be holding you back from being able to visit all the places you’d like to go. This could be money or other commitments or simply something within yourself that you have not yet acknowledged.

Children, or one in particular, will play an important part of your life and you will derive a great deal of pleasure from helping him or her. You will also find yourself re-thinking a lot of your original ideas as your experience and maturity grow.

Celebration

I read through an article years ago that teaches me to celebrate every single minor accomplishment. The author was observing her daughter who was in kindergarten, celebrating and cheering for her friend who able to finish her math exercise. She realized that the reason why kids are cheerful all the time, is not because they do not have desires or obtain what they want all the time, but they cherish what they were given.

The same article popped out today and this time, i choose to try it on Baby Henry (poor dude). I invited him to play football. He spent every single breath and energy, running around and pulling my pants, just to try to snatch the ball from me. And when he got it, he laughed. Next, we spent time passing the ball around. He laughed. Finally, after weeks suffering from ulcer and fever, he laughed and enjoyed the time running and jumping.

How long does you miss the chance to celebrate achievement?

Asian like us have this tendency to be humble, hiding and feeling numb despite achieving almost-impossible- goals. Why? Showing off if you are capable to, is confidence, not arrogant.

I ran 2km today on a treadmill. I'm proud of myself because i know i'm better than those sloths who rather stay at home, eating fat yet complaining about their spare tyre.

I drove around a congested traffic like Vin Diesel. I'm proud of myself because i know i'm better than those drivers (my sis) who was screaming in fear, tear and anxiety. (Ok, i admit it is dangerous)

I played the same guitar chords, the same 4 chords for 2 hours. I'm proud of myself because i know as i practice, i'm getting better and i will eventually able to play it even with closed eyes.

Well, you might said that i'm comparing a Ferrari with a Kancil but hey, life is supposed to be happy and easy. Why lock yourself with thousands of expectations that you spend your whole life satisfying everyone but you, and in the end, knowing the fact that no one really bothers about your high scores. Pathetic ya?

I played Dota just now. Losing 0-6, before 6-6, and eventually losing 31-23. However, my team win the game. Yes, usually i tend to overkill my victims and being so obsessed with the taste of victory and achievement, i seriously wish to use cheat code. Now, i'm proud of myself, i never win a game that really requires me to crack my brain and nerves. I feel good.

And i celebrated the victory by sharing it to everyone.

We definitely don't need any reason for party ;p

True love

True love is when you add

- Companionship

- Grumpy

- PMS

- Calories

- Debt

- Adventure

- Argument

- Family

- Tear

and minus

- Condom

- Make-up

- 34C bikini

- Credit card

- Time on video games

- Condominium

- Car

- Certification

- Time available to meet each other

and still, you are in love with the person.

I always think true love is blind. In fact, for me now, true love is pure with nothing else in between it. I love you and that's all.

Hands

Some dreams are beautiful because you never own it. You only have two hands that provide you limited space for your desires. So, think before you decide to take it on, as when it is time to let go, it is not as easy as you take it on.

You only have two hands. Despite having unlimited desires on almost everything, too bad, you can only own limited items. So, make sure what you own is your need, not accessories.

You only have two hands. Despite having unlimited desires on almost everything, too bad, some items are too heavy to be owned. Appreciate it. Love it. And you will soon realize that you don't have to mark your ownership on everything.

You only have two hands. Despite having unlimited desires on almost everything, too bad, some items are too expensive to be owned. Appreciate it. Love it. And you will soon realize that you don't have to mark your ownership on everything.

I always think that if i'm a millionaire and i have the money to buy everything, both needed and desired items. But how many you can buy? How many that you need to own in order to be satisfied?

If i love watching movie, am i suppose to buy the whole cinema or production company?

But i'm watching alone. Am i happy?

If i love taking picture, am i suppose to buy the best camera gadgets available?

But i can't take the picture that i saw with my eyes. I don't have the talent and skill?

If my beloved is suffering with deadly disease, am i suppose to buy the whole hospital and recruit the best doctors around?

But i still can't win this battle. What is fated, is fated. It is fate.

Sharing is caring. Some spend the entire life hunting for stars on the sky and ignore the fact that the scenery around you is as beautiful as stars on the sky. Why run alone so fast if there is someone around you to jog and chat with you? You can't own everything. Things that are not belong to you, let go. You might think you abandon your dream but you tend to ignore the fact that, you abandon pain and pressure of pursuing the unreachable.

I rather let my hands off than hanging on a cliff, if i know survival is almost impossible. You tried your best, no regret. Time to let go ;p

Scars

Scars,

Deep cuts,

Memory of pain, despair, sadness and regret,

Final trophy for survival, owned only by the one that is strong, tough and determine to heal themselves.

Remedy for infinite bleeding.

Scars,

Ugly?

Hard to be ignored?

It is part of life, each scar represents a mark of development.

Like any badge, you earn it, deserve it, despite it isn't the repercussion you even dreamt of having.

But one day, you will eventually telling other the stories behind each badge, smiling while the images from the past flashed as you present it.

One thing for sure, no one will laugh at it. They will be your loyal fans, listen, envy and proud of your experience and achievement.

This is life ;p

Chords

I came back from guitar lesson, and my hand is very very sore, thanks to certain chords. I'm getting better, i think, as days pass by and with more practices, i should be fine to perform on Sept 25 ;p

I experiment with my guitar a lot and it always lead me to random surprise discovery on how i can produce beautiful melody and familiar pop songs, accidently. Some notes are well played, perfect, when it is played individually. However, knowing enough foundation in music, i, no doubt, will explore more, by forming chords out of single notes.

Like it or not, some notes are just not mean to be played together. Yes, they are at their best when being played individually, but when played together, it seems to be weird and eerie.

Some notes, like it or not, are born to be grouped together (1, 3, 5 in notation usually form a perfect chord). Some notes are possible to be compatible with the normal notes in chord, and they form new chord, which only works on certain music piece. Some notes, however, just cannot be paired nor grouped, because, it extends human's finger limitation (You just can't press it, the distance is toooooooo far away. Impossible)

Some argue that they should just be like the norm, follow and search for the most compatible one to form the most typical pair. Some try to work hard, to prove that fairy- tales- happy ending is possible to be achieved. Success is possible with determination and perseverance, of course, with tears, sweats and bloods, perhaps, added into the recipe. Failure is due to inability to estimate themselves individually and as pair, as some doesn't really realize that they need to sacrifice more than what they might get in the end. Some just...... well, better as friend, usually due to 'over-familiarity' or being too logical that it is impossible and shouldn't waste time trying the impossible.

Me? Whether in relationship or guitar practice, putting effort to at least try is the crucial part. It is of course, easier to play simple typical chords. However, sometime you feel like playing advance chords that requires more practices and time, which i still determine to try. For the beautiful notes that never able to be together, it might sounds sad but certain things- you have to accept- are better to not be in group. Instead of forcing them to be together for a destructive and ear-piercing melody, why not choose to let them be what they are in the first place?

I know this fact well. And instead of thinking how to blend these perfect notes to be into an imperfect chord, i rather have them to be part of a music piece whereby their existence are significant not just as whole, but serves as complement for each other. ;p

Perception

I asked Baby Henry to stare at the girl at the poolside from the dining table yesterday. (Ya, i'm indeed a bad influence, but better learn from a master now than a jerk in future that might teach him the wrong techniques). He seems to be confused, keep telling me that he only sees lights from the pool. I ignored him, continue with my stalking action. Being a babysitter for him since he was born, i definitely know that he should able to see what i see/ask him to see and he will definitely reply, unless he really can't see the same picture like what i'm staring at. Therefore, i sit down on the floor, leaning against the chair, and bend down, in order to replicate his position and height (Science students do experiments everyday, we (specifically, me ;p) only hate when we have to report and get grade based on that.

Ya, i understand why he can't see from that position. Easy enough, he is just too short. The coffee table is blocking the view, and the only view that was blocked is the girl. So, that explains why he can see everything but the girl.

Baby Henry, ignoring the fact that he is a damn naughty hyperactive brat, he is also my master. I grow as a better individual, while watching him growing and learning every single little skills and knowledges in life everyday. I guess i will definitely be a good dad in future, good predictable variable.

Many people only see things from their own angle and perceptive. Despite two individuals standing on the same position, the view that we will get can be very very very different. To make an assumption that everyone is like me and should think, feel and behave like me, basically is pure crap. (You think you are unique, so do others)

How many of us bother to spend time to listen, bend down and experiment, if the same situation happens to you? How many of us will even bother to think that maybe it is just happen that different people see the same picture from different height and angle, affecting the image that we actually see? But i'm sure, that most of us will make a conclusion that the other person should be blamed for this miscommunication.

Sometime, some advices are impossible to send out to. They just can't see. And, why are we blaming them for being in the blind spot? Despite how hard i want him to see the girl, unless we move away from that setting, it is almost impossible for him to see. He wants to see, just that he can't, and why put the blame on him? See from his perception, or else, like me, sit down with him, while both of us leaning against the chairs, and laughing at my own stupidity ;p

Fear

I'm just so so lazy to blog and despite wanted to update my own blog regularly, eventually i will end up staring at my own blog, thinking of what to write.

On Monday, the Valentine Day, i had a dream. A trip that reminds me of a friend of mine, that I think I had neglected for quite a time. We are laying on the floor of my hometown's bedroom, laying casually and chatting (It is one of my hobby, i love to lie on the wooden floor, chat then take nap when we are done). I miss her, a lot and will miss her. Ya, i only start to appreciate things when there are no longer around me. I wake up from the dream, weep and the scenes from the dream bother me, really bother me.

My sister, being an almost-no-sentimental-value person, told me on the same day, that we tend to have fear to voice out things that we like and believe. Why? Fear of rejection? Fear of responsibility? Fear of unknown? Fear of change? I believe that the point that she wanna to make is instead of having fear on so many unknown, might as well you focus on the fear of losing freedom. It is lucky to have choice, and making choice suppose to be based on desire and preference, not through logical gain and risk mathematic formula. I begin to respect her.

Also on the same day, watching movie with my bunch of BFFs, realizing that it has been quite some time since we have this kind of outing. I enjoyed a lot, even i don't voice it out. And while hugging Stephie before she leaves to Australia, i seriously feel like crying. (I do cry, just that it takes me a lot of sentimental events, muster together, to make the tears roll out. I will miss you, Stephie!!!!

Well, combined with the series of events happen on a same day, i seriously start to think that, perhaps, the real fear that i'm afraid of is the fear of regret. It is true, I always think that there will be time in future to do, and the tendency to delay always overcome me. I might not agree with many of my daughter's decision, but i have to salute and give credit on her courage to be true and honest to herself. Ya, shame on me. I don't have.

Perhaps i shouldn't focus on the result. Perhaps i should ignore the fear. Perhaps i shouldn't calculate with the risk and gain formula. Perhaps sometime i should just close my eyes and brain, and just do it. Perhaps, sometime........ this time no sometime. Confession in one week time, for sure.

Male nowadays

The reason i use the term 'male' is because, in my opinion, regardless male in any age or life stage, will eventually face this issue and i guess eventually every single male will eventually experience this. Therefore, i have no intention to play with so many different terms on one word that means the same point.

My room, shared with my sis, is flooded with Korean and Taiwanese male idols' posters and DVDs. They, when compared with me, are taller, knowing how to pose and smile well in order to charm innocent and fairy tales lovers. Ask my mom and expect nothing good from her. 'The foundation of make-up they put on their face is thicker than wall paint.' 'See his limbs, as thin as a refugee', 'Wear like female, wait, they know how to dress up better than your sis'. Well, i agreed. These feedbacks indirectly categorize me as a 'typical male'

Comments from my sis ' He is so handsome, bro. Wear like him and you kill all the girls in college.' 'Gosh, you see how he walk, talk and smile, learn la, bro.'

Feedbacks from me 'People make-up one. Ask him not to make-up and see. I sapu him flat flat'. 'He walked like a sissy with nothing in between his legs. I guess this is what happen when you wear skinny, very very skinny jeans all the time.'

Thanks to all these idols from almost- perfect but mean-to-con-kids dramas, at home, arrows of negative comments shoot accurately on me. My sisters, idols mati-susah-kipas (diehard fans) will try to make me as identical as their idols while my mom, despite suppose to be the opposition party, occasionally agree with them. This is what i have face at home. Life revolves around female, is not fun.

So, this is the dilemma. In one hand, your 'masters' (my mom and sis) are nagging everytime I wear t-shirt with jeans. Community in Malaysia, guys are good enough with jeans and t-shirt. No cardigan, gay-alike- short pants, pink shirt and scarf, to name some. And thanks to the invasion of boyish trend, which announced that it is ok for female to be like male, by wearing like me, having the same hair style like me, behave like me, and even talk and swear like me. DEI, people will say you cool, and say that i look like a girl. WTH?!

I just wonder why on earth they invaded the limited space for fashion for dudes? The space and market for female is sooooooooo infinite. Get back to where you are, please. I hate when my sis told me that a lesbian (usually they are either les or bi, assumption but based on facts and personal experiences) looks better than me. And ya, they eat our prey. (I won't blame them for indirectly making the population of female reduced, but they raised the standard of the guys nowadays)

So, don't complain and curse guys who are looking and trying to transform to 'beauty male'. It is for survival purpose. We used to compete with only male, but now with female. I guess we, the survivals, will eventually compete against pets in future. Wait, we are what. They appreciate cute dogs and cats, but not us. (Google-ing Shaolin Novice Monk Application Form now ;p)

So long, my ugly old but sweet backpack

Ok, i have no intention to wake up so early as it is suppose to be my holiday. However, since i wake up, i decided to clear away junks that is well kept in my limited space. After some serious attempts of separating junks and goods, i experienced cognitive dissonance (go google it, psychology term)

I placed my backpack, my ugly backpack, under junks category. Ok, both side of the bag were completed stripped off in Bangkok and it is a miracle that its body can successfully transferred back to KL for funeral. In another hand, since i basically fix it and its performance will not be affected after the fixing, there is no reason for me to throw it away. However, this is the same bag that hurts my back and shoulder. I have to consume pills for weeks just to heal myself. But, i travelled around, despite being ugly, to everywhere.

This is the same old bag that i bring my overweight loads of laptop, speakers, documents during flash mob. This is the same old bag that i bring my laundry back to BG. This is the same old bag that i bring my limited textbooks and notes to college everyday. And this is the same old bag that i bring along, carrying my camera, mineral waters, towel, maps and everything tiny to my first ever travel, to Cambodia and Bangkok.

Battle between rational and emotion never ends. But, as human, we are suppose to think logically, based on evidences and facts.

Still, it remains as history, sweet memory. Whatever that has passed pass. Despite all the heartbreaks and tears, nothing can change the fact that it is time for it to retire (sounds better than being abandoned at trash bin) I agree that it might sounds cruel but if everyone remain the same and do no change, there is no chance for something better to get into your life. When it is time to let go, let go. Let it be a short term pain than a forever burden.

I love you, backpack....... that's why i choose not to make both of us feel bad.....

Sorry, you should leaving my life now. Other bag (hopefully Nike, but damn it is expensive ;p) might replace your position, but never the memories between us.

Announcement

Give me some time. For those who know me, you will know that i hate being forced. So, don't bother to ask me who is my 'flower', i won't bother to provide answers nor hints. Will announce when i think it is the right time. I think she deserved to know first before anyone around me :D