True love

True love is when you add

- Companionship

- Grumpy

- PMS

- Calories

- Debt

- Adventure

- Argument

- Family

- Tear

and minus

- Condom

- Make-up

- 34C bikini

- Credit card

- Time on video games

- Condominium

- Car

- Certification

- Time available to meet each other

and still, you are in love with the person.

I always think true love is blind. In fact, for me now, true love is pure with nothing else in between it. I love you and that's all.

Hands

Some dreams are beautiful because you never own it. You only have two hands that provide you limited space for your desires. So, think before you decide to take it on, as when it is time to let go, it is not as easy as you take it on.

You only have two hands. Despite having unlimited desires on almost everything, too bad, you can only own limited items. So, make sure what you own is your need, not accessories.

You only have two hands. Despite having unlimited desires on almost everything, too bad, some items are too heavy to be owned. Appreciate it. Love it. And you will soon realize that you don't have to mark your ownership on everything.

You only have two hands. Despite having unlimited desires on almost everything, too bad, some items are too expensive to be owned. Appreciate it. Love it. And you will soon realize that you don't have to mark your ownership on everything.

I always think that if i'm a millionaire and i have the money to buy everything, both needed and desired items. But how many you can buy? How many that you need to own in order to be satisfied?

If i love watching movie, am i suppose to buy the whole cinema or production company?

But i'm watching alone. Am i happy?

If i love taking picture, am i suppose to buy the best camera gadgets available?

But i can't take the picture that i saw with my eyes. I don't have the talent and skill?

If my beloved is suffering with deadly disease, am i suppose to buy the whole hospital and recruit the best doctors around?

But i still can't win this battle. What is fated, is fated. It is fate.

Sharing is caring. Some spend the entire life hunting for stars on the sky and ignore the fact that the scenery around you is as beautiful as stars on the sky. Why run alone so fast if there is someone around you to jog and chat with you? You can't own everything. Things that are not belong to you, let go. You might think you abandon your dream but you tend to ignore the fact that, you abandon pain and pressure of pursuing the unreachable.

I rather let my hands off than hanging on a cliff, if i know survival is almost impossible. You tried your best, no regret. Time to let go ;p

Scars

Scars,

Deep cuts,

Memory of pain, despair, sadness and regret,

Final trophy for survival, owned only by the one that is strong, tough and determine to heal themselves.

Remedy for infinite bleeding.

Scars,

Ugly?

Hard to be ignored?

It is part of life, each scar represents a mark of development.

Like any badge, you earn it, deserve it, despite it isn't the repercussion you even dreamt of having.

But one day, you will eventually telling other the stories behind each badge, smiling while the images from the past flashed as you present it.

One thing for sure, no one will laugh at it. They will be your loyal fans, listen, envy and proud of your experience and achievement.

This is life ;p

Chords

I came back from guitar lesson, and my hand is very very sore, thanks to certain chords. I'm getting better, i think, as days pass by and with more practices, i should be fine to perform on Sept 25 ;p

I experiment with my guitar a lot and it always lead me to random surprise discovery on how i can produce beautiful melody and familiar pop songs, accidently. Some notes are well played, perfect, when it is played individually. However, knowing enough foundation in music, i, no doubt, will explore more, by forming chords out of single notes.

Like it or not, some notes are just not mean to be played together. Yes, they are at their best when being played individually, but when played together, it seems to be weird and eerie.

Some notes, like it or not, are born to be grouped together (1, 3, 5 in notation usually form a perfect chord). Some notes are possible to be compatible with the normal notes in chord, and they form new chord, which only works on certain music piece. Some notes, however, just cannot be paired nor grouped, because, it extends human's finger limitation (You just can't press it, the distance is toooooooo far away. Impossible)

Some argue that they should just be like the norm, follow and search for the most compatible one to form the most typical pair. Some try to work hard, to prove that fairy- tales- happy ending is possible to be achieved. Success is possible with determination and perseverance, of course, with tears, sweats and bloods, perhaps, added into the recipe. Failure is due to inability to estimate themselves individually and as pair, as some doesn't really realize that they need to sacrifice more than what they might get in the end. Some just...... well, better as friend, usually due to 'over-familiarity' or being too logical that it is impossible and shouldn't waste time trying the impossible.

Me? Whether in relationship or guitar practice, putting effort to at least try is the crucial part. It is of course, easier to play simple typical chords. However, sometime you feel like playing advance chords that requires more practices and time, which i still determine to try. For the beautiful notes that never able to be together, it might sounds sad but certain things- you have to accept- are better to not be in group. Instead of forcing them to be together for a destructive and ear-piercing melody, why not choose to let them be what they are in the first place?

I know this fact well. And instead of thinking how to blend these perfect notes to be into an imperfect chord, i rather have them to be part of a music piece whereby their existence are significant not just as whole, but serves as complement for each other. ;p

Perception

I asked Baby Henry to stare at the girl at the poolside from the dining table yesterday. (Ya, i'm indeed a bad influence, but better learn from a master now than a jerk in future that might teach him the wrong techniques). He seems to be confused, keep telling me that he only sees lights from the pool. I ignored him, continue with my stalking action. Being a babysitter for him since he was born, i definitely know that he should able to see what i see/ask him to see and he will definitely reply, unless he really can't see the same picture like what i'm staring at. Therefore, i sit down on the floor, leaning against the chair, and bend down, in order to replicate his position and height (Science students do experiments everyday, we (specifically, me ;p) only hate when we have to report and get grade based on that.

Ya, i understand why he can't see from that position. Easy enough, he is just too short. The coffee table is blocking the view, and the only view that was blocked is the girl. So, that explains why he can see everything but the girl.

Baby Henry, ignoring the fact that he is a damn naughty hyperactive brat, he is also my master. I grow as a better individual, while watching him growing and learning every single little skills and knowledges in life everyday. I guess i will definitely be a good dad in future, good predictable variable.

Many people only see things from their own angle and perceptive. Despite two individuals standing on the same position, the view that we will get can be very very very different. To make an assumption that everyone is like me and should think, feel and behave like me, basically is pure crap. (You think you are unique, so do others)

How many of us bother to spend time to listen, bend down and experiment, if the same situation happens to you? How many of us will even bother to think that maybe it is just happen that different people see the same picture from different height and angle, affecting the image that we actually see? But i'm sure, that most of us will make a conclusion that the other person should be blamed for this miscommunication.

Sometime, some advices are impossible to send out to. They just can't see. And, why are we blaming them for being in the blind spot? Despite how hard i want him to see the girl, unless we move away from that setting, it is almost impossible for him to see. He wants to see, just that he can't, and why put the blame on him? See from his perception, or else, like me, sit down with him, while both of us leaning against the chairs, and laughing at my own stupidity ;p

Fear

I'm just so so lazy to blog and despite wanted to update my own blog regularly, eventually i will end up staring at my own blog, thinking of what to write.

On Monday, the Valentine Day, i had a dream. A trip that reminds me of a friend of mine, that I think I had neglected for quite a time. We are laying on the floor of my hometown's bedroom, laying casually and chatting (It is one of my hobby, i love to lie on the wooden floor, chat then take nap when we are done). I miss her, a lot and will miss her. Ya, i only start to appreciate things when there are no longer around me. I wake up from the dream, weep and the scenes from the dream bother me, really bother me.

My sister, being an almost-no-sentimental-value person, told me on the same day, that we tend to have fear to voice out things that we like and believe. Why? Fear of rejection? Fear of responsibility? Fear of unknown? Fear of change? I believe that the point that she wanna to make is instead of having fear on so many unknown, might as well you focus on the fear of losing freedom. It is lucky to have choice, and making choice suppose to be based on desire and preference, not through logical gain and risk mathematic formula. I begin to respect her.

Also on the same day, watching movie with my bunch of BFFs, realizing that it has been quite some time since we have this kind of outing. I enjoyed a lot, even i don't voice it out. And while hugging Stephie before she leaves to Australia, i seriously feel like crying. (I do cry, just that it takes me a lot of sentimental events, muster together, to make the tears roll out. I will miss you, Stephie!!!!

Well, combined with the series of events happen on a same day, i seriously start to think that, perhaps, the real fear that i'm afraid of is the fear of regret. It is true, I always think that there will be time in future to do, and the tendency to delay always overcome me. I might not agree with many of my daughter's decision, but i have to salute and give credit on her courage to be true and honest to herself. Ya, shame on me. I don't have.

Perhaps i shouldn't focus on the result. Perhaps i should ignore the fear. Perhaps i shouldn't calculate with the risk and gain formula. Perhaps sometime i should just close my eyes and brain, and just do it. Perhaps, sometime........ this time no sometime. Confession in one week time, for sure.

Male nowadays

The reason i use the term 'male' is because, in my opinion, regardless male in any age or life stage, will eventually face this issue and i guess eventually every single male will eventually experience this. Therefore, i have no intention to play with so many different terms on one word that means the same point.

My room, shared with my sis, is flooded with Korean and Taiwanese male idols' posters and DVDs. They, when compared with me, are taller, knowing how to pose and smile well in order to charm innocent and fairy tales lovers. Ask my mom and expect nothing good from her. 'The foundation of make-up they put on their face is thicker than wall paint.' 'See his limbs, as thin as a refugee', 'Wear like female, wait, they know how to dress up better than your sis'. Well, i agreed. These feedbacks indirectly categorize me as a 'typical male'

Comments from my sis ' He is so handsome, bro. Wear like him and you kill all the girls in college.' 'Gosh, you see how he walk, talk and smile, learn la, bro.'

Feedbacks from me 'People make-up one. Ask him not to make-up and see. I sapu him flat flat'. 'He walked like a sissy with nothing in between his legs. I guess this is what happen when you wear skinny, very very skinny jeans all the time.'

Thanks to all these idols from almost- perfect but mean-to-con-kids dramas, at home, arrows of negative comments shoot accurately on me. My sisters, idols mati-susah-kipas (diehard fans) will try to make me as identical as their idols while my mom, despite suppose to be the opposition party, occasionally agree with them. This is what i have face at home. Life revolves around female, is not fun.

So, this is the dilemma. In one hand, your 'masters' (my mom and sis) are nagging everytime I wear t-shirt with jeans. Community in Malaysia, guys are good enough with jeans and t-shirt. No cardigan, gay-alike- short pants, pink shirt and scarf, to name some. And thanks to the invasion of boyish trend, which announced that it is ok for female to be like male, by wearing like me, having the same hair style like me, behave like me, and even talk and swear like me. DEI, people will say you cool, and say that i look like a girl. WTH?!

I just wonder why on earth they invaded the limited space for fashion for dudes? The space and market for female is sooooooooo infinite. Get back to where you are, please. I hate when my sis told me that a lesbian (usually they are either les or bi, assumption but based on facts and personal experiences) looks better than me. And ya, they eat our prey. (I won't blame them for indirectly making the population of female reduced, but they raised the standard of the guys nowadays)

So, don't complain and curse guys who are looking and trying to transform to 'beauty male'. It is for survival purpose. We used to compete with only male, but now with female. I guess we, the survivals, will eventually compete against pets in future. Wait, we are what. They appreciate cute dogs and cats, but not us. (Google-ing Shaolin Novice Monk Application Form now ;p)